Recently, I picked up a new book from one of my favorite bookstores—Westminster Theological Seminary Bookstore (www.wtsbooks.com). As I read through its pages, I was struck by how deeply relevant its message is for those of us leading in the church. In ministry and everyday life, we often find ourselves in disagreements, yet many struggle to navigate them in a way that honors the Lord. But have we ever paused to consider—can we truly glorify God in the way we disagree with others?

In The Art of Disagreeing, Gavin Ortlund masterfully unpacks this question, offering biblical wisdom and practical guidance on how to engage in difficult conversations with humility, grace, and a desire to honor Christ. This book is a timely resource for anyone seeking to reflect the character of Jesus in moments of disagreement.

📖 Book Summary: The Art of Disagreeing by Gavin Ortlund

How to Keep Calm and Stay Friends in Hard Conversations

In a world marked by division—politically, culturally, and even within the church—Christians often struggle to navigate disagreements in a way that honors Christ. In The Art of Disagreeing, Gavin Ortlund provides a refreshing, biblical approach to engaging in difficult conversations with wisdom, humility, and love.

For church leaders, this book serves as a crucial resource for handling disagreements in ministry, whether they arise in theological debates, leadership discussions, or personal conflicts within the church body. Ortlund's message is clear: disagreement does not have to lead to division. Instead, it can be an opportunity to grow in understanding and reflect Christ’s character.

🔑 Key Takeaways for Church Leaders

✅ 1. Disagreeing with Charity and Humility

Ortlund emphasizes the need to approach disagreements with a posture of humility, recognizing that we don’t have all the answers. He warns against prideful argumentation and instead calls believers to extend grace, even in heated discussions.

📖 Biblical Insight:

• “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.” – Colossians 4:6

• “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.” – Philippians 2:3

🔹 Practical Application: When engaging in disagreements, ask yourself: Am I seeking to build up the other person, or am I trying to win the argument? A gentle response (Proverbs 15:1) can often open the door to fruitful conversation rather than conflict.

✅ 2. Prioritizing Unity Over Winning Arguments

Many Christians treat disagreements as battles to be won rather than opportunities to sharpen one another in truth and love (Proverbs 27:17). Ortlund reminds us that unity in the body of Christ should be a higher goal than proving our point.

📖 Biblical Insight:

• “Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” – Ephesians 4:3

• “By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” – John 13:35

🔹 Practical Application: Before entering a difficult conversation, pause and reflect: Will this disagreement build up the church, or is it causing unnecessary division? Sometimes, silence speaks louder than words when it protects unity.

✅ 3. Knowing When to Engage (and When to Let Go)

Not every disagreement is worth engaging in. Some conflicts are secondary matters that do not require debate, while others may need firm but loving confrontation. Ortlund provides wisdom on discerning when to pursue discussion and when to walk away for the sake of peace.

📖 Biblical Insight:

• “Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels.” – 2 Timothy 2:23

• “A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.” – Proverbs 18:2

🔹 Practical Application: If a conversation is producing more heat than light, it may be time to step back. A simple question to ask is: Is this conversation helping anyone grow in faith, or is it just stirring up division?

✅ 4. Learning from Church History

Throughout history, Christians have disagreed—sometimes on major theological issues and sometimes on matters of lesser importance. Ortlund highlights key moments in church history where believers have handled (or mishandled) disagreements, showing what we can learn from their experiences.

Examples include:

• The Council of Nicaea (AD 325) – where theological debates were handled with rigorous discussion but with an aim for unity in essential doctrines.

• The Reformation (16th century) – where differences led to division, but also to a rediscovery of biblical truth.

• C.S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkien – two Christian thinkers who disagreed on certain theological matters but maintained deep friendship and mutual respect.

🔹 Practical Application: When facing disagreements, remember that the church has always wrestled with differences. We can learn from history by striving to keep the essentials central (In essentials unity, in non-essentials liberty, in all things charity).

✅ 5. Practical Tools for Hard Conversations

One of the most valuable aspects of The Art of Disagreeing is its practical guidance for managing tough conversations. Ortlund provides actionable steps for keeping discussions constructive rather than destructive.

Practical Strategies Include:
✅ Listen more than you speak – James 1:19 reminds us to be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger.
✅ Seek to understand before responding – Ask clarifying questions before assuming intent.
✅ Acknowledge common ground – Start discussions by affirming where you agree to build trust.
✅ Speak truth in love – Ephesians 4:15 instructs us to uphold both truth and love in our words.
✅ Remember the person behind the argument – We’re not debating “issues” but engaging with people made in God’s image.

🌟 Why This Book Matters for Church Leaders

Ministry leaders frequently encounter disagreements—whether within their congregations, among staff members, or in theological discussions. The Art of Disagreeing provides a Christ-centered approach to handling conflict, equipping leaders to foster a culture of love, wisdom, and unity in their churches.

📚 Recommended for:
✔️ Pastors, elders, and ministry leaders
✔️ Small group leaders and teachers
✔️ Anyone navigating theological or personal disagreements in a church setting

Disagreeing to the Glory of God

Disagreements are inevitable in life and ministry, but as followers of Christ, we are called to handle them differently than the world does. Rather than seeing disagreements as battles to win, we should approach them as opportunities to reflect the love, wisdom, and humility of Jesus. The Art of Disagreeing by Gavin Ortlund reminds us that our goal in conflict should not be to prove ourselves right but to glorify God through our words, attitudes, and actions.

As church leaders, we have a unique responsibility to model godly disagreement—whether in theological discussions, leadership decisions, or everyday conversations with those in our care. May we strive to engage in difficult conversations with patience, grace, and a commitment to truth, always seeking to build up rather than tear down.

So the next time you find yourself in a disagreement, ask: Am I honoring God in the way I speak, listen, and respond? Because even in moments of conflict, we have the opportunity to glorify Him.

Thank you for reading!
Mark @ Church Leader Toolkit

PS. Want more book recommendations like this? Respond to this email and let me know what topics would be most helpful for your ministry!